Boundaries: Why Do Some People Attract People Who Walk All Over Them?

If one was walked over by someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will have literally put their feet on their body. What it can also mean is that another person has violated their personal space.

When this happens, the other person won’t have respected their boundaries, and this will naturally have a negative effect on them. This could then cause one to speak up about what has taken place, or they could act as if nothing has happened.

A Different Interpretation

If one was to speak up or to assert themselves, it could show that they are not willing to put up with this kind of behaviour. It is then not going to matter who walked over them, as they will stand their ground.

What this could illustrate is that one has good boundaries, and this is what will allow them to realise when they have been walked over. The alternative would be for one to simply tolerate what has occurred, and this might then show that this is what feels comfortable.

The Difference

If the person who asserted themselves felt comfortable being treated in this way, they would also allow people to violate them. Based on this, it is not that these people are inherently different; it is that what is taking place within them is different.

Yet, when someone is walked over by others on a regular basis, they can believe that this is something that is out of their control. In fact, one could see themselves as a victim, and there is then going to be nothing that they can do.

Normal

When one experiences life in this way, being walked over could take place all the time, and it might not matter where they are. Not only could they be walked over by the same sex, they could also be walked over by the opposite sex.

Or, if this is not how they experience life, they could find that this is something that takes place when they are with the opposite sex. But if one was to take a step back and to look back on their life, they may find that it is not just limited to one sex.

At Work

During their time at work, this could be something that their manager does, and their colleagues could also do the same thing. One could then feel as though people don’t respect them or listen to what they have to say.

And while one might end up being abused, they could just find that they are worn down in this environment. From the outside, it might not look as though anything is happening, but each thing will build-up and affect their wellbeing.

Family Life

When they spend time around their family, it might not be much better, and they might be happy to keep their distance. One might also feel as though they have to see them, and they might then just imagine how much better their life would be if they could keep them at bay.

Their needs and feelings could end up being completely overlooked when they see them, and it could be as if they are just an extension of their family. One may find that they become who their family want them to be (or who they think they want them to be).

The Easiest Option

If one was to go along with how they were treated, it will cause them a lot of pain, but it would be a lot easier than fighting them. One could believe that the only way to have them in their life is to put up with their bad behaviour.

After they have spent time with their family, they could end up feeling drained, and it could take them a little while to recover. There is also the chance that they don’t live close to their family, and this could then stop them from having to go through all this on a regular basis.

Relationships

However, even if this is the case, they are still likely to spend time with people who take a lot from them. If they are in a relationship, they might wonder why they are with them, and this could show that they are with someone who is abusive.

This person might not be interested in treating them as an individual, and they might only be interested in taking advantage of them. There could be moments when one will speak up and let them know how they feel, but it could be dismissed.

True-Self

Ultimately, it is going to be a challenge for one to be themselves and, unless this changes, they will continue to suffer. Yet, although one can believe that their life will only change if other people do, this is not going to get them very far.

The only thing this will do is cause them to feel helpless and hopeless, and they might believe that they need to be saved. Through having this outlook, it is highly unlikely that their life will change.

A Closer Look

If one was to see that being walked over is what feels comfortable at a deeper level, it might be hard for them to understand. What happened during the beginning of their life may have been what set them up to experience life in this way.

There is a strong chance that they were brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, and this would have stopped them from being able to respect one’s boundaries. If one was to assert themselves when they were younger, they may have ended up being harmed and/or neglected.

Awareness

One would then have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves; the best thing would have been for them to allow others to walk over them. This would have been a matter of survival.

The years have then passed but one is still experiencing life in the same way, and the only way it will change is if they change. One way for one to change their life will be to work with a therapist.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

To find out more go to – http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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